I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
