the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
