Don't make out with my wife yet
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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