Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think im going to throw up on grandma
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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