Tell her she can't have a vagina
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
