mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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