I looked at my own cervix.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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