You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
