a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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