two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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