she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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