There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
