I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
