I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
