i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
