It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
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That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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