im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
