Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
