So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
