3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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