Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
