John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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