She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
