and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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