sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
