My underwear smells like fireworks.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
