meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
