i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
