I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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