I accidentally had phone sex last night
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
