party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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