Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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