I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
