I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
