Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
