i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
