i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
