I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
