You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
