Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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