Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
