Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
