a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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