It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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