I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
