they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
