You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Found the puke drawer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
