Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
God, I missed his penis.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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