I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We are two peas in an std pod
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
