I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
