Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
