Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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