alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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