It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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