my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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