zippers are such a cool invention
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
