You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize