porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
how drunk are you?
Several
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
