is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
