My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
