who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
