K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
