a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
