Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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