I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he puts the penis in happiness.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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