why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Randomize
