Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
