P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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