the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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