Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
