She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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