there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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