What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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