i just google imaged poop.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
