Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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