Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
