I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
