OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
