Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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