I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
