I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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