Say something about gay babies.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
