Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
