Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
