you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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