Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
