It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
